A Love Letter to My Clients + How I Got Here

from whence i came + being stubborn

My mother always knew she wanted to be a nurse, my best friend in high school always knew she wanted to be a teacher. I wasn’t like either of them. I was a creative, wild, hurting, rebellious, lost, and generally anti-establishment kind of kid. Anything everyone else was into, I was decidedly not into; memorizing lyrics, the latest fashion, boy bands, fitting in. You get the gist.

So when it came time to pick an major in college and everyone seemed so keen on psychology there was no way I was going to follow that trend. However, my interest in the human condition and why we were the way we are was as much a part of me as my growing number of piercings and so I landed on the alternatives: Sociology and Cultural Anthropology.

Sociology 101 found me freshman year and Cultural Anthropology the year after. I was fascinated that there were whole fields, deep with experts and books and theories, devoted solely to what made us tick that had nothing to do with Freud or Jung. Sociology, the study of the development, structure, and functioning of human society fascinated me. So this was the effects of society, gender, and race! Cultural Anthropology rounded out the picture with ancestral knowledge and patterns, our biology, and the impact of our environments. I was hooked.

When I was 20 I packed up my little bedroom in Northern California and drove 1500 miles east to finish college at the University of Texas, Austin. I knew no one here, had only briefly visited during a junior transfer orientation weekend, and knew nothing of UT’s reputation (and naturally didn’t care). I only wanted to preserve my interest in why we do what we do and move as far away from home as I could. Little did I know just how lucky my refusal to be “basic” would be.

Acceptance + A Curve Ball + real life education

A lot happened in the years between my arrival in Austin in 1995 to 2025 (the date of this posting), but none more notable than the final capitulation and acceptance that my true heart’s desire was indeed psychology. At the age of 30, laid off from a miserable existence in corporate America, I finally gave myself permission to be “predictable” and investigated getting a Master’s degree in something related to psychology. I was all in.

Two years and a 4.0 GPA later in a Master of Arts in Counseling program at St. Edward’s University, I was married, pregnant, and ready to go… no where. I wanted to stay home and raise a family then re-enter the world of counseling to work with adolescents - I wanted them to know it wasn’t them, it was their parents - but life threw me a curve ball and I found myself divorced with no career, zero income, and a 3 year old boy to take care of.

In my About Me page I allude to the magic that brought me to this specialty, but I’ll tell you plainly: after a partnership that wasn’t the right fit I went a little pretty wild exploring my sexuality and the energetic and dynamic connections between people, and accidentally - and happily - fell into a very sex-positive community high on a new term we’d never heard before: sex-positivity.

Until around 2010 or 2011, no one had ever heard of the term “sex positive.” What was it, what did it mean? Did it equal having sex with everyone and anyone?? I mean, maybe? but for myself and my new friends it meant we were openly curious about sex and our sexuality. We weren’t slut shaming anyone (another new term), consent was paramount (also never previously discussed openly). Group sex, D/s dynamics, play parties, sex just for fun. It felt like the Wild West of discoveries for everyone I knew and it fed me new life as I navigated single motherhood, a new identity as a woman, and trying to get my post-graduate hours under my belt.

the dovetail

Initially, I hung my professional shingle as a generalist. You know, depression, anxiety, blah blah blah, but it was boring. In 2012 I had a total of 3 paying clients for the entire year.. It was excruciating and scary. Then, one fateful client experience allowed me to realize the depth of knowledge I had about human sexuality that I could dovetail into a new passion: sex-positive counseling. Not only did I have clinical knowledge about a person’s psychological experiences, but I had personal, boots on the ground training related to sexual exploration and relationships. I revamped my website and Sex-Positive Counseling was born.

The clients began to roll in via a modest $50/month GoogleAds campaign and word of mouth. Folks didn’t want to have to defend their open marriages or their D/s desires, their kinks, sexual struggles, or deeply seeded marital frustrations. They wanted someone who met them where they were and treated them like fully fledged adults powerfully using their own agency to create the sex and love lives they most desired. They wanted to be accepted and supported without judgment and their issues varied.

Some wanted help navigating opening long term marriages, finding a kinky partner, improving their ability to find and nurture an exciting sexual partner, repairing an infidelity, or strengthening their monogamy. You name it, the topics varied wildly, but what was a constant was they wanted someone to be with them on their journeys. And I have been honored to accompany each and every client who has ever chosen to share themselves with me whether it was for only 1 eye-opening session or 10 incredible years bearing witness to an entire life.

purpose + passion

GenZers, Millennials, GenXers, and Boomers alike all have one thing in common: we want love, we want pleasure and play, and we want to be seen. Life stage and emotional development might change the modality to achieve that, but at the core love, pleasure and play, and validation are what drive us all. I took a circuitous path to counseling, but had I not followed my inner rebel, I would never have gotten the gift of a sociological and anthropological background. My education has made me especially sensitive to the many influences and factors in our lives that have impact on us, great and small.

My divorce, as painful as it was, was a gift, too. I had complete freedom to explore my sexuality and personal desires at the mature age of 36. It was a powerful reminder that given an open road, we can really stretch out into a breathtaking gallop.

I’m over a decade into this work and I have never been happier. I never stop learning about people’s beauty, resilience, or capacities to grow and forgive. Sometimes I cry after a session because I have witnessed pure love - I hope to experience a love like that in my lifetime - and sometimes I cry in a session with my clients, because breaking hearts are worth crying over - and know what that’s like, too.

So if you’ve made it this far on my inaugural blog post, thank you for being here. Thank you if you’re a client, thank you if you’re thinking about working with me, and thank you if you’re a colleague. Everyday I wake up and feel lucky to do work I am truly called to do and I am forever grateful to the many people who have entrusted me with their stories and their hearts. Thank you a million times over.

xx

Jessica