The One Rule You Need to Live By

first, Some things you need to know about me when you read what I write:

I am not a researcher or an academic. I am a trained healer of 10+ years and a human with big feelings and lots of experience. And I want you to know what I know.

I am a voracious reader. Fiction, fantasy, literature, self-help and -improvement, academic articles, social media posts, and click-bait fluff. All of it is important. None of it is a throw away. It’s all informative.

Cosmic Cafe Saltillo in Austin, TX

I am not the expert on you, but I am an expert on a lot of stuff you care about. My role in a client’s life is to stand on the bow of the boat with my little lantern and stay with you, shouting out the things I see and know to be around the bend. It’s entirely up to you where you paddle us, but I am with you the whole way. If we go over a waterfall, I will be on the other side helping you climb back in. You are an adult; you are in charge; I trust you. And I work hard to earn your trust, too.

Having said all that

There is so much awful stuff out there basically victimizing a public that is hurting, lonely, and desperate. The “male loneliness epidemic,” the 4B Movement, the man-o-sphere and its counterpart of trad wives, trends of less sex and less dating. And that’s just stuff off the top of my head. Everyone I know in and out of my practice are up against impossible odds, juggling more knowledge than we’ve ever had about ourselves and our relationships, the planet. Our childhood trauma, mental wellness, boundaries, attachment styles, love languages, and half a dozen personality types all fight for center stage in both platonic and romantic relationships. Which are we supposed to heal? What are we supposed to be?? How the hell do we do this???

If it seems too simple, too good to be true, then it probably is. With one exceptional exception:

Never, ever, ever do something with your body that you do not want to do.

Other than that one perfect, indisputable rule, there are no steps or scripts or plans to follow. No “6 Steps to Falling in Love,” no infallible “Method to Finding a High-Value Man,” no simple, If I do X, then I will most certainly get Y.

Day to day I feel like a mighty myth buster, blasting out calcified beliefs that bring nothing but misery to the believer. Patriarchy, capitalism, colonialism, racism, ableism, heteronormativity, sexism. We swim in these waters every day of our lives and how many of us even realize it? Does a fish know it’s wet?

Good news is, once we notice what we’re swimming in, we can choose to switch to something else. Thank God.